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Monday, January 15, 2007

The Alternative

I had another Brimstone Soup dream. Which is completely weird, because my dreams usually have nothing to do with real life concerns. Usually I dream about rock men (as in orange stones, not Rolling Stones) and people with machine guns (don't ask).

But last night I dreamed that not only did Editor X take my book, but s/he offered me a six-figure advance.


I'm still trying to figure this out. Is this about greed? Procrastination? Setting myself up for disappointment, or - perhaps more terrifying - a jackpot of success? Clearly, one of these dreams is prophetic. But which one?

I'm open to suggestions.

On a related note, I heard this great sermon yesterday about how, when Jesus left earth and everybody was standing around trying to figure out what to do, it was his way of saying, ok, I've held your hand all this time, now it's time for you to grow up and do something. And life is like that. After Ezri died, I really did feel like God was holding my hand through the grief and then said, oh, yeah, by the way, I'd really like you to write this book. Then he left the building, and I stood around trying to figure out what to do. So I've been writing, and writing some more, and all this time I've been like, hello, you left the building, will you please give me some direction here? But I kept going, muddling through and finding a direction myself, with a few lightening bolts of inspiration now and then.

And then these dreams show up - one that says I won't make it, and the other that says I will. Needless to say, I'm totally confused. So I guess I will just keep writing and see what happens.

The clock is ticking on NYC. Haircut is back on the list. We can't have Marsha Brady-style shag in the sartorial city (I guess Locks of Love will have to wait). I made this awesome Brimstone Soup business card that I hope to hand out to a bevvy of interested parties. I even finished a draft of the final chapter (woohoo!). All that remains is to write through the climactic scenes and spend some time cleaning the whole thing up.

In the meantime, I'm waiting and watching, trying to prepare myself for either outcome. At least my hair will look good when I get there.

1 comment:

  1. I don't see how one dream you aren't making it and the next one you are. You made it in both dreams! I think your first dream shows how you feel guilty about taking so long, therefore you don't deserve the big payoff in the second dream. But look at your first dream - you got an agent - hello! Thats not easy! and you sold your book! (Just not to a huge house). No matter what your emotional feelings are about your progress, your deep pysche firmly believes you will suceed with this manuscript. How cool is that?!

    I don't think the dreaming of a six figure advance is greedy it is the way of the publishing world now adays - it means you're huge. I don't think it means the money so much as being up there in the forefront on the Times Bestseller rich. One of the big dogs. You should relish the fact that your self-confidence in unwavering! At least in your dreams!

    Keep on keepin' on. You're doing great! And I know that some things are going to be hard to write about. Maybe deep down you don't want to achieve the possible closure that writing these things may do. It might seem like letting go, or admitting it doesn't hurt as much anymore. I know deep in my heart you won't love Ezri any less if you allow yourself to heal. And it won't matter any less either. It will always be what it is.

    Godspeed in your journey!